Every year I write a letter to Shane on his birthday and on the anniversary of his death. I do this to simply let out all of the emotions that I tend to keep bottled up inside. Journaling has always been a great way for me to sort through my thoughts and emotions. I've kept a journal since I was very young and it definitely has helped me get through some pretty tough times in my life. So I thought I would share the letter that I wrote to Shane today on the anniversary of his death. Today was no exception as I wiped away many tears during the composition of this letter. This letter is not beautifully crafted. It is not filled with profound words. It is not grammatically correct. It is simply filled with the thoughts, words, and emotions that I was feeling as pen hit paper.
Dear Shane,
I don't really know where to start. 3 years ago the news of your death stunned and shocked me. You would be 24 years old. Still so young, still so much to accomplish in life. The hurt of losing you is still there, but time certainly does ease the pain. Today I want to remember you, although I think of you often. Today I've decided that instead of moping around and feeling sorry for myself I'm going to enjoy this day with my family. You gave me new perspective on what is important in life. Relationships and people are the most important thing. Not the things I own, the place I live, or the things I do to fill up my time. Because really, when you look back at it all, thats all you will remember and take with you. I remember after you died just staring at all of your stuff. I remember thinking, it's just stuff and you just leave it. You can't take any of it with you. It's just there for others to sort through.
My life is forever changed because of you. I know I tell you that every year, but it truly is. I wouldn't be the person that I am if you wouldn't have died that day. It sucks that we have to learn the hard way. Almost always thats what it takes. You probably just look down on us and shake your head saying "If you only knew." Yeah, we can be pretty stupid some times.
I yearn to give you one last hug. A hug that would have truly meant something. A hug that says "Goodbye. We'll see each other again soon…or not so soon." 3 years feels so long. You probably would have said something to make me laugh. Some silly movie quote like "Shhhh, I hate goodbyes!" I loved when you said that. It made me laugh every time.
Kris misses playing guitar with you, and Guitar Hero. He wonders why we never get to play it at the cabin anymore. I said because it reminds us of you.
Molly talks about you in Heaven. How you're up there with Joey and her brothers or sisters that she never got to meet. She always says that she can't wait to go to Heaven and be with you all!
John won't ever know you but I will tell him all about you. You would have make and awesome uncle to him.
Shane I imagine that you would have come to India to visit us with the rest of the family. Although I probably wouldn't be here if you were still alive. When people die you do crazy things with your life. But, you loved adventure and I'm sure you would have enjoyed being here.
I miss you brother more than I can express with words. Your life was way to short but I am grateful for the 21 years that I did get to spend with you. I fervently prayed for your existence. April and I prayed every night that God would give us a brother and He did. So today I thank God for giving me you as my brother. I thank God for all of the things you have taught me in your life and death. Today I thank God for my own family and I hug them all a little closer and all a little tighter because of you. Life is short, too short and I try to cherish each moment the Lord gives me. Thank you for teaching me that. I love you
Forever your sister,
Becky Jo
Dear Shane,
I don't really know where to start. 3 years ago the news of your death stunned and shocked me. You would be 24 years old. Still so young, still so much to accomplish in life. The hurt of losing you is still there, but time certainly does ease the pain. Today I want to remember you, although I think of you often. Today I've decided that instead of moping around and feeling sorry for myself I'm going to enjoy this day with my family. You gave me new perspective on what is important in life. Relationships and people are the most important thing. Not the things I own, the place I live, or the things I do to fill up my time. Because really, when you look back at it all, thats all you will remember and take with you. I remember after you died just staring at all of your stuff. I remember thinking, it's just stuff and you just leave it. You can't take any of it with you. It's just there for others to sort through.
My life is forever changed because of you. I know I tell you that every year, but it truly is. I wouldn't be the person that I am if you wouldn't have died that day. It sucks that we have to learn the hard way. Almost always thats what it takes. You probably just look down on us and shake your head saying "If you only knew." Yeah, we can be pretty stupid some times.
I yearn to give you one last hug. A hug that would have truly meant something. A hug that says "Goodbye. We'll see each other again soon…or not so soon." 3 years feels so long. You probably would have said something to make me laugh. Some silly movie quote like "Shhhh, I hate goodbyes!" I loved when you said that. It made me laugh every time.
Kris misses playing guitar with you, and Guitar Hero. He wonders why we never get to play it at the cabin anymore. I said because it reminds us of you.
Molly talks about you in Heaven. How you're up there with Joey and her brothers or sisters that she never got to meet. She always says that she can't wait to go to Heaven and be with you all!
John won't ever know you but I will tell him all about you. You would have make and awesome uncle to him.
Shane I imagine that you would have come to India to visit us with the rest of the family. Although I probably wouldn't be here if you were still alive. When people die you do crazy things with your life. But, you loved adventure and I'm sure you would have enjoyed being here.
I miss you brother more than I can express with words. Your life was way to short but I am grateful for the 21 years that I did get to spend with you. I fervently prayed for your existence. April and I prayed every night that God would give us a brother and He did. So today I thank God for giving me you as my brother. I thank God for all of the things you have taught me in your life and death. Today I thank God for my own family and I hug them all a little closer and all a little tighter because of you. Life is short, too short and I try to cherish each moment the Lord gives me. Thank you for teaching me that. I love you
Forever your sister,
Becky Jo
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